Today I am confused about how God leads us. I am convinced that he does lead us. I know that God can guide us through life in a way that is really quite incredible, and that looking back at my own life, I can see places where he has been at work. My problem isn't with how God has worked in my past, but today I don't know what to think of how he will work in the future. I want to just sit back and say, "God's got it all under control, Janna. Don't worry about a thing." And part of that is true. I don't need to worry. God is sovereign. Things will be okay. But I know another truth. I know that I have free will. I know that God lets me make mistakes. And today I am scared that my mistakes will stop God from guiding me where he wants me to go.
I think that there is a difficult balance that needs to be met here. On the one hand, I need to be active in seeking out God's will and using my head to make wise decisions. On the other hand, I need to learn how to rest in God's ability to work, even through my foolishness, even through my panic and worry. This is really hard. I think I have a slight addiction to impatience. I want God to show me where he's taking me, and I want him to show me NOW. I feel like a little girl who whines to Daddy to give me what I want. I feel restless and unsure and scared.
Sometimes these thoughts and feelings spiral downward until I don't feel like I can take it anymore. But the thing is, I don't really have a choice. At some point, after all of my struggling and worrying and effort, I need to come to a place where I decide that I've done all that I can, and I need to trust God to take care of the rest. And with that trusting that God has it under control comes trusting that he can even work through my mistakes. That he will work through my mistakes. That doesn't mean that it will all be perfect. It doesn't mean that no matter what I do, God will cause it to come to the same conclusion. I do have free will, and I can change the path that my life will take. My actions do have consequences. What it does mean, is that though I will make mistakes, God will not let that stop him from leading me. It means that he will be with me, guiding me every step of the way, through the joys and hurts and the mess ups. It means that I can have hope for the future, even as I have no doubt I will get some things wrong. And I will cling to that, even when I don't feel it, because truth doesn't change with the whims of my feelings. Thank goodness... No, thank God.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
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One of the things I wish I had learned earlier in my life - and which I hope you younger folk learn - is that God's will and His desire are different.
God's will cannot be thwarted. His will seems to be that He be glorified. That, I believe, will happen, quite apart from whether I work here or there, eat this or that, move to this place or another. God will be glorified because it is His will to be glorified.
His desires for me, though, are certainly able to be thwarted/ignored. He knows what path would be best for me to walk, and gives me, if I listen closely to His voice, the opportunity to walk in that path (you'll note I said "best" and not "easy"). Should I, in my "infinite" wisdom decide to walk another path, I can certainly do so.
But don't for a moment allow anyone to tell you that where you go and what you do cannot be redeemed by God. That is part of His business; redeeming the corrupted (interestingly, it is yet another way in which He is glorified).
Seek the advice and guidance of God. Make your decisions. Know that He is good and loves you. Romans 8:28 is often cited as being something to say when something unexpected or uncontrollable and bad occurs (like a death in the family), but I think it also needs to be applied to our all-too-often mistakes.
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