Looking for Love

I love fairy tales. I think most people do. At least I think that most people, whether they would admit it or not, hope that their lives turn out to have fairy tale endings. Now before you go bursting my bubble, let me set your mind at ease. I realize that the chick flicks are not real life, I know that my Prince Charming will not ride up to my door at the exact moment I have given up hope that he even exists, and I sometimes even go into "Men suck" mode. To be honest, I may err more on the side of cynicism when it comes to love than anything else.

But even though there are times when I wonder if "true love" even exists in this world, I know that deep down I hope that it is true and that I will experience it one day. Maybe I'll step it down a notch. I don't hope that I am suddenly a character in a Hollywood drama. But I do very much want to find a man one day who knows me - really knows me - and loves what he sees. I want to find someone who I can laugh with and make jokes with and drink coffee with. I want to find someone who encourages me in the things I want to do with my life, and someone who I can encourage in their goals as well.

When it comes down to it, I want to find a person who I can care about more than anyone else, and I want him to care about me more than anyone else. But I've realized a few things. First of all, if what I'm looking for is someone to fill my need for relationship and my need for approval, then I am never going to find it in a relationship with another human. The reality is that the only time that hole in me is going to be filled is in a life after this one. I know that my heart is searching for something, that it is restless, and I also know that it is not going to find its rest until I meet Jesus face to face.

Another thing I have realized is that "finding someone" is not what life is about. I don't think that God has called us to marriage as a bottom line, and that we need to figure that out and then we can get on to whatever else it is he wants from us. I don't think that God wants me to hold back on making plans until I have found a person to share it with. Life is about Jesus - living for him and showing him to others - whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed. And no matter which of those categories you fit into, if anything or anyone other than Jesus is the most important thing, then you are missing the point. I am determined that whatever else happens in my life, it is going to be full and purposeful and fulfilling, and it is going to be that way because it is going to be centered on Jesus. That is my prayer, even when I feel like I need someone to go through it beside me.

I think that my job in life is to follow as best as I can the road that I feel God is mapping out for me. That sounds like I think he's just going to drop everything in my lap, and I most certainly do not think that. I know that God works in such a way that he gives us a choice with what we want to make our lives, and that sometimes we have to buck it up and go and work at something to get what we want. But I think that he does lead us in our decisions. I know that whatever happens, people will be a big part of my life, and I will have deep and meaningful relationships. That may or may not include a fantastic marriage relationship, but either way, I know that I will live and grow in relationships with people in this life. I was at a wedding last Saturday and that is what the sermon was about: character development in intense relationship. I thought it was wonderful because the pastor addressed all of the guests - married and unmarried - when he said that we need deep and meaningful relationships to develop our character. This is not a message for marrieds only. Marriage is not some club where real life starts and we can finally become the person God wants us to be. The question is, no matter where you are at in life, where is God leading you today? How is he calling you to change? Who is he calling you to impact? Because it is so easy to get inward focused and start concentrating on my life and my friends and my money, but that is not the right mindset. No matter what comes my way, the real questions should never be about me, but rather about others.

God blesses his people. Marriage is one of those blessings, but it is not the only one. I am confident that God has blessings in store for me, and I can rest in that, even in not knowing what they are or when they will come.