Peace

It is so easy to be restless. It doesn't take many hours, or even minutes, of not thinking about my God who is in control before I start feeling unpeaceful and restless. "Unpeace". Apparently this is not a word, since my computer is underlining it in red as I write this, but I am going to leave it. I have used this word a lot in my talks with people throughout the year. Unpeace is the best way I can think of to describe the thing I am trying to describe. When your mind is rushing in all sorts of directions, or not going anywhere, and all you know is that something isn't right, that things aren't okay. It is the complete opposite of rest.

I think I experienced some of the greatest moments of unpeace in my life last summer. I didn't know what it was that was making me feel that way, and although I have been learning more about myself this year, I still don't know all the reasons why last summer I felt such inner turmoil. I feel like this year has been a journey back to a place of peace, and yet I still have moments and even whole days or weeks when I feel like things aren't okay and I need to do something to make them better. That's the problem: I keep looking for something that I can do. The thing is that the Person who can give me rest and make it all okay isn't me. I'm not the one who has to do anything.

We sang one of my very favorite hymns in church this morning. I had never heard the third verse before, but I found it when I searched for the lyrics and I figured I'd throw it in there. Here they are:

Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide.
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul; though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know his love, his heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From his own fullness all he takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


-Katherina von Schlegel, 1752 (translated by Jane Borthwick, 1855)