The Groaning Goes On

I think one of the reasons that I haven't been feeling much like blogging lately is that I have had a couple of partially formed thoughts bouncing around in my head for a long time, but they weren't at a stage where I felt like writing about them, and there was nothing else that seemed worth writing about.  Hence, I wrote about nothing.  I still haven't finished thinking about these things, but perhaps I have reached the point where I can at least express some thoughts.  I suppose the answer to that is a yes if this actually gets posted.  

So I watched a really great chick flick tonight.  I think the thing that I love about chick flicks (and really most movies) is the happy ending.  There may have been moments in the middle where you weren't quite sure if things was going to end well, but somehow at the end of the day, all is well... and they lived happily ever after.  Happily ever after.  I think that is quite a thought.  I think that is what I search for.  Not necessarily in the form of the perfect man (though I wouldn't complain if I found him), but in everything.  Happily ever after implies rest.  The thing you have been seeking has been found, and now you can sit back, relax, enjoy life, and never have to be uneasy or anxious again.  A deep breath released, and tension is gone from your life forever.  Rest.

But the thing is, no matter where I've been or what the circumstances, I have never experienced a rest that complete.  I've never gotten to a "happily ever after."  That's because life continues on, and this life is not actually about finding rest.  Don't get me wrong, I believe that I will yet experience perfect rest.  Just not on this side of heaven.  

There are times when I thought I knew what it was that I wanted.  I worked hard to get it, succeeded, and basked in my happiness... for about 5 minutes, until I noticed that I still wanted something.  The hole wasn't filled.  I couldn't find rest.  That feeling is hard to express in words.  Groans really say it best.  All of my yearnings and wants and deepest hopes and frustrations can be encompassed in a groan.  It goes even deeper than what I can consciously identify.  The bible talks about this groan in Romans 8.  All of creation is groaning "as in the pains of childbirth" (v 22).  And what are we groaning for?  "The redemption of our bodies" and "our adoption as sons" (v 23).  That's the happily ever after right there.  But the thing is, it isn't going to happen until we have a perfect relationship with our Creator, and as long as we are stuck on this broken earth in these broken bodies, we are going to be bound to decay.  Groaning.  

But here is something that I am learning.  In the moments when all my frustrations and unrest culminate in a dissatisfied groan, I have a choice.  I can decide if I am going to groan in frustration or in hope.  If I groan in frustration, life gets... well, frustrating.  But the thing is, although I know that the hole in me is not going to be filled in this lifetime, I do know that it is going to be filled.  And when I shift my thoughts from all the things that aren't filling me, and rather think about the One that I know will fill me one day, my groans take on a peaceful tone.  Not perfect rest, to be sure, but peace.  And so my groans will go on, but I groan in hope.  And in Him I find peace to get me through to the day when he will bring me perfect rest.