I Like

Every once in a while something occurs to me that makes me ridiculously happy. Sometimes it is something that really isn't that significant to the typical person, and that some would roll their eyes at me for enjoying as much as I do. And then there are some things that make me ridiculously happy that make a lot of people ridiculously happy, and those ones less people make fun of me for (although there are a few people in my life who would pretty much take any opportunity to make a little bit of fun of me). Understandably, there are also those things that irritate me to no end, and for some of these things I have a fair amount of support in my frustration, and others are pretty much unexplainable, and maybe just weird. Apparently this is the most blog-worthy thing bouncing around my head right now.

This year, I have been surprised at how incredibly irritated I am when boys wear pants that do not fit them. First of all, I don't understand how it can possibly be comfortable to wear baggy jeans all the time. Secondly, it looks terrible. Now, if the reader happens to be a baggy pants wearing male, I apologize if I have offended you, but I will not take back my opinion. Baggy pants look bad. Baggy pants make me gag a little bit. But then, my gag reflex is quite reflective.

Some other things that potentially excite my gag reflex: hair in the shower, the smell of garlic on the breath of other people, the taste of garlic in my mouth hours after the reality of garlic in my mouth, unidentified mushy food at the bottom of the sink, the memories that the scent of green apple Palmolive bring to mind, ranch dressing, commercials on TV, TV in general, shopping malls on a "Janna hates consumerism" type day, the abundance of cell phones everywhere (including in front of me in class, all around me on the bus, during prayer at a church event, and during conversations with people), the ten minutes before a performance...

Now for some happier things:
I love cold nose. Not the cold nose you get when it is -40 out and you get frostbite and your nose falls off and you have to have reconstructive plastic surgery. But the cold nose you get when it is late fall or early spring, and you go for a walk, and it is too cold to do away with a jacket, but not so cold that it hurts, and your nose starts running just a little bit, and you know that it isn't the same as a runny nose you get when you are sick, and you don't even really realize that your nose is cold and then you touch it and it is cold, but it just makes you feel alive and happy and fresh. I got cold nose yesterday, and it was wonderful.

Some other things that make me happy: driving through the night, burnt marshmallows, writing exams (but not studying for them), green beans, rainy Mondays, waking up in the middle of the night, airports, scabs that fall off in one piece with no bleeding, tulips, the yellowness of my yellow jacket, wet sandy feet, run-on sentences and made up words when they are intentional...

... to name a few...

Whatever You're Doing

It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything. I surrender...

To whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out


-Sanctus Real

A Hard Lesson

I remember when I was growing up (I suppose that process isn't done yet) and I would hear people say "People will let you down Janna, and you will let others down, because we just aren't perfect." And I never had much of a problem with that. Sure, people would let me down, sure I would let people down. That's life, right? Well, it was easy to say that was fine at the time, because until recently, I didn't really realize what that meant. I mean, I understood what the words meant, but it didn't seem serious, because I hadn't actually experienced any major disappointment in people. Sure, I had been disappointed in people from time to time, and my feelings had been hurt, but never to the point where I actually wondered if relationships were worth it. I think I have had an uncommonly fortunate time of life for most of mine, and I really didn't feel like people would let me down majorly.

This year has kind of hit me with the fact that people will let me down. It has seemed strange to me at times this year why sometimes all the hard stuff hits you at once. It's not like my life sucks by any means. I recognize that I am incredibly blessed, and I have a lot of hope for the future. But I have experienced what feels like a string of disappointments in people this year, and there have been times when I have wondered why I ever let myself trust others in the first place. Because as soon as I let myself depend on anyone, it seems that they let me down. I can feel myself losing my faith in people.

But isn't that what people were telling me was going to happen all along? Isn't that what I was expecting? And now what? Do I stop letting myself trust people just because I am starting to realize the power I am giving others to hurt me?

Here's what I think. People are worth the hurt. No matter how many times I get let down, disappointed, angry or hurt, I am deciding that I will continue to put my heart on the line, because people are what life is all about. But, even more than that, I hope that in the times when I am let down and disappointed, I will run to the feet of the One who will never let me down. Because though I may let myself trust people, that is not where my hope lies.

I was thinking the other day of feelings of disappointment in people, and I wondered why I kept setting myself up to get hurt, and was feeling a little sorry for myself. And then it occurred to me that if anyone knows what it feels like to be hurt over and over again, it's God. Over and over, I have put other people ahead of him, forgotten the promises I made to him, ignored him, and in the process, broken his heart. And yet, I believe that he keeps putting his heart on the line, full of hope that I will make good on my promises.

So I am determined to take his lead, continue to give people my trust, knowing that I am also giving them the chance to hurt me. But always realizing that no matter what, there is someone who understands my heart more than anyone I could ever hope to meet.

Lent

Lent starts tomorrow. I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to give anything up for it this year. I have often given up something or other in the past, but I don't know how useful it has been. One year I gave up chips - maybe the was just a "Christian" reason to diet. Another year I gave up television. I suppose that even if I didn't end up spending more time with God, at least I was wasting less time on the couch. After a few years of such sacrifices, I think I got tired of giving things up just for the sake of giving things up. And so for the last couple of years, I don't think I have. Well, I think I have come to a decision that I do want to give something up this year. And the things I was considering aren't things that are bad in and of themselves. And the thing I have decided on won't necessarily bring me closer to God, but I am going to set my mind to it anyways. For two reasons. First of all, I think that discipline is a good thing, and that by forcing myself to do without something that I am used to, I will learn something about self control and will power. Secondly, I do think that in the moments where it is hard and I wonder why I decided that this was a good idea, I will remember that the reason for this season is to spend time contemplating the time Jesus spent on this earth, and thinking about what that means to me.

So, what could I give up? My first idea was coffee. I knew as soon as it occurred to me that I didn't really feel like giving this up. But then, the only thing worth giving up is something that is going to be tough. I would like to say for the record that the reason I am not giving up coffee is not because I am addicted. I sometimes go a day or two with no coffee, and do not experience headaches. However, I do enjoy drinking coffee, and more than that, I enjoy the conversations that I have when I go out for coffee with friends. I find that it encourages conversation. And I just really like it.

My next idea was facebook. This one sounded pretty good to me too. And I do think that I am going to intentionally spend a little less time on facebook. I don't have a problem with facebook per se... well actually, that might be a lie. I don't really find that facebook encourages people to be very real, and also I find that I generally sign off in a less good mood than when I signed in. This suggests that perhaps it is not the best way to spend my time. I do have some friends that I communicate with primarily through facebook, however, and so I decided to allow myself to continue to use it.

And so I was beginning to think that maybe I wouldn't give anything up this year... until tonight, when something occurred to me that will be hard, but I think also good. Anyone who has taken the time to read this probably rolled their eyes when I declined to give up coffee, and was probably thinking, "she just didn't want to try that hard." Well, if you know me at all, you will know that this is something that will also be very hard for me. I am going to try my best to give up the snooze button. I often press snooze over and over again for up to an hour in the morning, and all that time could be used more productively, I think. So I am going to try to set my alarm for the time when I actually plan to get up, and then get up right aways and spend a bit more of my "waking" hours doing productive things, hopefully including more time with God (and maybe drinking more coffee...joking). I thought that writing it on here would help to keep me accountable. If you read this, feel free to ask me how it's going. Like I said, I'm going to do my best. This is going to be hard.

Will They Know We Are Christians By Our Love?

So I have decided that I really don't agree with all Christians about the most effective way to spread the Gospel. I have been really frustrated recently because a Christian group at the university is putting on an event called "DGE" which stands for Does God Exist? They are hosting a few different discussions/debates, including a debate between an atheist and a Christian, a session titled, "Can a scientist believe in God?" one called, "Does Intelligent Design Explain Biological Life," and, my personal favorite (not), "Stump the Christian."

Now, I realize that Jesus was very clear in his commission to us to "make disciples of all nations," and I also realize that this group at school is truly trying to live this out. However, I have also come to the conclusion that this is not the most effective method of showing people what Jesus was all about. I'm reading a commentary on the Gospel of John by William Barclay, and in it he says, "Not very many people have ever been argued into Christianity. Often our arguments do more harm than good." I really think this is true. From the conversations I have been involved in on this topic, and on any topic related to faith and morality, when people start arguing about opinions, people are rarely convinced. This is how I feel about these debates and sessions at school. I feel like everyone is going to come with their own predecided beliefs, and they will be willing to spout their opinion, and unwilling to listen to anyone else's. And I am generally the same way. I don't give people who say that Christianity isn't true much of my true respect and attention. If I know that someone is setting out to prove my faith wrong, I probably won't give them much to work with. When people set out to debate, walls go up, doors close, and bitterness often sets in. To me it seems like this is much more likely taking several steps back rather than moving forward in spreading the Good News.

Okay, so I disagree with this method of "evangelism." So what? What do I believe would be better? It's one thing to disagree with someone's methods, but the only way that holds any steam is if I show I'm doing something myself. William Barclay went on to say, "The only way to convince a man of the supremacy of Christ is to confront him with Christ. On the whole it is not argumentative and philosophical preaching and teaching which have won men for Christ; it is presentation of the story of the Cross." Hmmm. So what does that look like? How do I "confront people with Christ" without becoming "argumentative and philosophical"? Well, for one thing, I know I have a long way to go. I know I am not doing all I can to show Christ to the people around me. But I do think that the first step is to love people. Not to tell them about Jesus because you feel obligated, or there is some quota of people to tell every day, but to first build a relationship. To show a person by repeated experiences that you care about them, not just about whether or not they stop drinking, or start going to church. To show people what love really looks like, and for that love to be real, not a show or an obligation, or a conditional arrangement that will disappear if they refuse the Gospel. A love that really loves.

Wow, that all might sound good, but now what? Well, I am trying to start conversations. I am trying to open doors to relationships that can develop and go deeper. At least I am trying to try. Most of all, I am praying that God will fill me with his love for the people around me. And if I am filled with that love, then I know that the people around me will be confronted with Christ. Lord, may it be so.

Am I For Real?

I read this article in the Christianity Today last month. I have thought about this before, and though I could type my own words and thoughts, I think Erik Thoennes did a better job, so I will rather write his words. Since he uses italics in the article, I used bold print for the stuff I particularly liked.

Hour of Decison - by Erik Thoennes

"My favorite question to ask Christians is how they came to trust in Christ. The answers I've heard testify to the diverse experiences God uses to bring people into a relationship with himself. Most commonly, people say they trusted him as a child at camp or at Sunday school or while praying with a parent. They often follow with something like, 'But my faith really became my own when I was a junior in high school.'

How are we to understand this variety of experiences and the apparent two-stage process many seem to undergo in arriving at saving faith? The term saved is popularly used to refer to regeneration and justification. But when the Bible uses the word salvation in a spiritual sense, it describes the broad range of God's activity in rescuing people from sin and restoring them to a right relationship with himself. Salvation in the Bible thus has past, present, and future tenses. A believer has been saved from the guilt of sin (justification, see Eph. 2:8), is being saved from the power of sin (sanctification, see 1 Cor. 1:18), and will be saved from the judgment and presence of sin (glorification, see Acts 15:11).

While subjective experience of being saved may look very different from person to person, the objective state of being saved is definite and absolute. From God's perspective, there is a definitive point in time when those who have trusted in Christ pass from death into life (1 John 3:14)

Whether or not one can remember the moment of spiritual rebirth, it is a miracle that initiates a number of new realities. Through the work of the Holy Spirit in regeneration, the spiritually dead person is made alive in Christ (Titus 3:5). The convert's filthy rags of self-righteousness have been traded for the perfect righteousness of Christ (Phil. 3:8-9). He or she can cease striving to be justified, resting instead in the finished work of Christ (Phil. 2:8-9). As Paul writes, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1). The believer has "crossed over from death to life" (John 5:24), which means that the person can "have confidence on the day of judgment" (1 John 4:17).

Much of American Protestantism has been influenced by revivalism, which places great emphasis on "making a decision for Christ" in a public, definitive way. These "moments of decision" often become the crucial evidence that one is saved. Other Protestant traditions, less influenced by revivalism (including some Reformed and Lutheran churches), may be content to leave the conversion experience unclearly identified, putting the focus on identification with the church. Both of these traditions have benefits, as well as potential problems.

The decision approach rightly emphasizes the need for a personal commitment to Jesus Christ and the idea that regeneration takes place at a specific time. The potential downside is that this view can lead to a simplistic, human-centered understanding of being saved, where one depends too heavily on the specific act of trusting Christ as the primary evidence of conversion. As a result, one can doubt the "decision" was real, leading to numerous journeys down the aisle (just in case). Also, one can depend on the walk down the aisle alone, even in the absence of spiritual fruit.

On the other hand, Reformed traditions appreciate the sovereignty of God and the role of the church in the salvation process. Yet they can leave conversion so vague that the need for personal trust in Christ and a changed life is neglected.

We must allow for the varied experiences God uses to bring people to himself. As C. H. Spurgeon said, 'The Spirit calls men to Jesus in diverse ways. Some are drawn so gently that they scarcely know when the drawing began, and others are so suddenly affected that their conversion stands out with noonday clearness.'

For those who question their salvation, the best evidence is not the memory of having raised a hand or prayed a prayer. Nor is it having been baptized or christened. The true test of the authentic work of God in one's life is growth in Christ-like character, increased love for God and other people, and the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-25; James 2:18). A memorable conversion experience may serve as an important referent to God's saving work in one's life. But the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit in making a person more like Jesus is the clearest indicator that one has been made a new creation in Christ."