I just finished the book Silence, by Shusaku Endo. It is about the persecution of Christians in Japan in the 1600's. The main character is a priest who is determined to die for his faith if that is what it takes. Throughout the book, he is willing to face persecution, but he refuses to aposticize - to trample on the picture of Christ, however, he is also distressed that God remains silent while all this persecution is happening. Near the end, he was told that if he did not aposticize, other Christians would be tortured to death. And as he prays that God will speak, that he will not remain silent any longer, the picture of the Christ that he is asked to trample on speaks to him:
"The priest raises his foot. In it he feels a dull, heavy pain. This is no mere formality. He will now trample on what he has considered the most beautiful thing in his life, on what he has believed most pure, on what is filled with the ideals and the dreams of man. How his foot aches! And then the Christ in bronze speaks to the priest: 'Trample! Trample! I more than anyone know of the pain in your foot. Trample! It was to be trampled on by men that I was born into this world. It was to share men's pain that I carried my cross.'"
There are many thoughts bouncing around in my head about all of this. Some of the stuff in the book seemed very profound, and I wish I had someone to discuss it with who had also read the book. It is making me wonder about the difference between what we believe with our hearts and what we confess with our mouths. It is making me think about which aspects of faith are universal, and which are cultural. It is bringing to mind our house church topic of the year so far: "So what is it that make this Good News so good?"
I think I'm getting better at pondering some of these things without needing to come to a concise answer. And I think that's ok, but not a prime situation for good blog posts.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Vast
Well, I just purchased my very first computer, and I feel it is only right to break my long blog silence on this very significant occasion. As it is so clearly impossible to even begin to try to give an accurate look into what has gone on in my life and my head since I blogged last, I will not even try. Rather, I will tell a little story that happened last Tuesday that made me smile:
It was Tuesday. As per usual, I headed to house church after my biochemistry lab. Actually, it wasn't quite a usual Tuesday afternoon. First of all, I accidentally tested the wrong unknown in my biochem lab, which resulted in some tests making absolutely no sense, particuarly the Benedict's test, which I could go into, but I have a feeling that the few people who will ever read this don't really care about my Benedict's test so I will spare you the details. Anyways, just picture me making a big mistake that resulted in several tests having to be redone. This ended up being more comical than frustrating, but it did make me late leaving the school. I was getting a ride to house church with a friend of mine who lives near the university, but whose house I had never been to before, and I proceeded to walk there and get somewhat lost on the way. This involved me misreading a house number and walking the wrong way down a street. I started worrying that he was going to leave before I got there, leaving me stuck outside with no ride to church. When I finally arrived, huffing and puffing, I was assured that I would never have been left out in the cold alone, and we left for church. I had uncharacteristically intense chest pain all evening, and considered going home or possibly to the hospital, but as I was surrounded by some of my favorite people, and convinced that the pain would eventually go away, I stuck around. By prayer time, I was still in quite a lot of pain, so naturally I requested that the group pray for me. I shouldn't really be surprised by this but I was: only 10 minutes later, I was feeling significantly better. Somehow asking for prayer seems like a natural thing to do, and yet seeing an immediate answer to prayer surprises me. Perhaps I need to work on my belief in God's ability and desire to act. And so I was able to join the group in their post-church activity of the evening, which was called, "drive out into the country and lie down in a big long row under blankets in a ditch eating chips and smarties and watching the meteor shower while talking about whatever we felt like and gazing into the vastnesss, cheering out loud whenever we saw a shooting star." It was one of those times where you are leaving the city at 10 PM, knowing that you will be out late and that you have to get up early, but also knowing that there is absolutely 0% chance of you not being a part of the fun. So worth the lack of sleep. It was wonderful.
God has been so good to me. Right now, I am particularly thankful for mishaps that work out and friends and health and stars and cold nose. And though those are not all really on the same level, they are all things that remind me about the goodness and bigness and closeness of God.
It was Tuesday. As per usual, I headed to house church after my biochemistry lab. Actually, it wasn't quite a usual Tuesday afternoon. First of all, I accidentally tested the wrong unknown in my biochem lab, which resulted in some tests making absolutely no sense, particuarly the Benedict's test, which I could go into, but I have a feeling that the few people who will ever read this don't really care about my Benedict's test so I will spare you the details. Anyways, just picture me making a big mistake that resulted in several tests having to be redone. This ended up being more comical than frustrating, but it did make me late leaving the school. I was getting a ride to house church with a friend of mine who lives near the university, but whose house I had never been to before, and I proceeded to walk there and get somewhat lost on the way. This involved me misreading a house number and walking the wrong way down a street. I started worrying that he was going to leave before I got there, leaving me stuck outside with no ride to church. When I finally arrived, huffing and puffing, I was assured that I would never have been left out in the cold alone, and we left for church. I had uncharacteristically intense chest pain all evening, and considered going home or possibly to the hospital, but as I was surrounded by some of my favorite people, and convinced that the pain would eventually go away, I stuck around. By prayer time, I was still in quite a lot of pain, so naturally I requested that the group pray for me. I shouldn't really be surprised by this but I was: only 10 minutes later, I was feeling significantly better. Somehow asking for prayer seems like a natural thing to do, and yet seeing an immediate answer to prayer surprises me. Perhaps I need to work on my belief in God's ability and desire to act. And so I was able to join the group in their post-church activity of the evening, which was called, "drive out into the country and lie down in a big long row under blankets in a ditch eating chips and smarties and watching the meteor shower while talking about whatever we felt like and gazing into the vastnesss, cheering out loud whenever we saw a shooting star." It was one of those times where you are leaving the city at 10 PM, knowing that you will be out late and that you have to get up early, but also knowing that there is absolutely 0% chance of you not being a part of the fun. So worth the lack of sleep. It was wonderful.
God has been so good to me. Right now, I am particularly thankful for mishaps that work out and friends and health and stars and cold nose. And though those are not all really on the same level, they are all things that remind me about the goodness and bigness and closeness of God.
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