I remember when I was growing up (I suppose that process isn't done yet) and I would hear people say "People will let you down Janna, and you will let others down, because we just aren't perfect." And I never had much of a problem with that. Sure, people would let me down, sure I would let people down. That's life, right? Well, it was easy to say that was fine at the time, because until recently, I didn't really realize what that meant. I mean, I understood what the words meant, but it didn't seem serious, because I hadn't actually experienced any major disappointment in people. Sure, I had been disappointed in people from time to time, and my feelings had been hurt, but never to the point where I actually wondered if relationships were worth it. I think I have had an uncommonly fortunate time of life for most of mine, and I really didn't feel like people would let me down majorly.
This year has kind of hit me with the fact that people will let me down. It has seemed strange to me at times this year why sometimes all the hard stuff hits you at once. It's not like my life sucks by any means. I recognize that I am incredibly blessed, and I have a lot of hope for the future. But I have experienced what feels like a string of disappointments in people this year, and there have been times when I have wondered why I ever let myself trust others in the first place. Because as soon as I let myself depend on anyone, it seems that they let me down. I can feel myself losing my faith in people.
But isn't that what people were telling me was going to happen all along? Isn't that what I was expecting? And now what? Do I stop letting myself trust people just because I am starting to realize the power I am giving others to hurt me?
Here's what I think. People are worth the hurt. No matter how many times I get let down, disappointed, angry or hurt, I am deciding that I will continue to put my heart on the line, because people are what life is all about. But, even more than that, I hope that in the times when I am let down and disappointed, I will run to the feet of the One who will never let me down. Because though I may let myself trust people, that is not where my hope lies.
I was thinking the other day of feelings of disappointment in people, and I wondered why I kept setting myself up to get hurt, and was feeling a little sorry for myself. And then it occurred to me that if anyone knows what it feels like to be hurt over and over again, it's God. Over and over, I have put other people ahead of him, forgotten the promises I made to him, ignored him, and in the process, broken his heart. And yet, I believe that he keeps putting his heart on the line, full of hope that I will make good on my promises.
So I am determined to take his lead, continue to give people my trust, knowing that I am also giving them the chance to hurt me. But always realizing that no matter what, there is someone who understands my heart more than anyone I could ever hope to meet.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Lent
Lent starts tomorrow. I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to give anything up for it this year. I have often given up something or other in the past, but I don't know how useful it has been. One year I gave up chips - maybe the was just a "Christian" reason to diet. Another year I gave up television. I suppose that even if I didn't end up spending more time with God, at least I was wasting less time on the couch. After a few years of such sacrifices, I think I got tired of giving things up just for the sake of giving things up. And so for the last couple of years, I don't think I have. Well, I think I have come to a decision that I do want to give something up this year. And the things I was considering aren't things that are bad in and of themselves. And the thing I have decided on won't necessarily bring me closer to God, but I am going to set my mind to it anyways. For two reasons. First of all, I think that discipline is a good thing, and that by forcing myself to do without something that I am used to, I will learn something about self control and will power. Secondly, I do think that in the moments where it is hard and I wonder why I decided that this was a good idea, I will remember that the reason for this season is to spend time contemplating the time Jesus spent on this earth, and thinking about what that means to me.
So, what could I give up? My first idea was coffee. I knew as soon as it occurred to me that I didn't really feel like giving this up. But then, the only thing worth giving up is something that is going to be tough. I would like to say for the record that the reason I am not giving up coffee is not because I am addicted. I sometimes go a day or two with no coffee, and do not experience headaches. However, I do enjoy drinking coffee, and more than that, I enjoy the conversations that I have when I go out for coffee with friends. I find that it encourages conversation. And I just really like it.
My next idea was facebook. This one sounded pretty good to me too. And I do think that I am going to intentionally spend a little less time on facebook. I don't have a problem with facebook per se... well actually, that might be a lie. I don't really find that facebook encourages people to be very real, and also I find that I generally sign off in a less good mood than when I signed in. This suggests that perhaps it is not the best way to spend my time. I do have some friends that I communicate with primarily through facebook, however, and so I decided to allow myself to continue to use it.
And so I was beginning to think that maybe I wouldn't give anything up this year... until tonight, when something occurred to me that will be hard, but I think also good. Anyone who has taken the time to read this probably rolled their eyes when I declined to give up coffee, and was probably thinking, "she just didn't want to try that hard." Well, if you know me at all, you will know that this is something that will also be very hard for me. I am going to try my best to give up the snooze button. I often press snooze over and over again for up to an hour in the morning, and all that time could be used more productively, I think. So I am going to try to set my alarm for the time when I actually plan to get up, and then get up right aways and spend a bit more of my "waking" hours doing productive things, hopefully including more time with God (and maybe drinking more coffee...joking). I thought that writing it on here would help to keep me accountable. If you read this, feel free to ask me how it's going. Like I said, I'm going to do my best. This is going to be hard.
So, what could I give up? My first idea was coffee. I knew as soon as it occurred to me that I didn't really feel like giving this up. But then, the only thing worth giving up is something that is going to be tough. I would like to say for the record that the reason I am not giving up coffee is not because I am addicted. I sometimes go a day or two with no coffee, and do not experience headaches. However, I do enjoy drinking coffee, and more than that, I enjoy the conversations that I have when I go out for coffee with friends. I find that it encourages conversation. And I just really like it.
My next idea was facebook. This one sounded pretty good to me too. And I do think that I am going to intentionally spend a little less time on facebook. I don't have a problem with facebook per se... well actually, that might be a lie. I don't really find that facebook encourages people to be very real, and also I find that I generally sign off in a less good mood than when I signed in. This suggests that perhaps it is not the best way to spend my time. I do have some friends that I communicate with primarily through facebook, however, and so I decided to allow myself to continue to use it.
And so I was beginning to think that maybe I wouldn't give anything up this year... until tonight, when something occurred to me that will be hard, but I think also good. Anyone who has taken the time to read this probably rolled their eyes when I declined to give up coffee, and was probably thinking, "she just didn't want to try that hard." Well, if you know me at all, you will know that this is something that will also be very hard for me. I am going to try my best to give up the snooze button. I often press snooze over and over again for up to an hour in the morning, and all that time could be used more productively, I think. So I am going to try to set my alarm for the time when I actually plan to get up, and then get up right aways and spend a bit more of my "waking" hours doing productive things, hopefully including more time with God (and maybe drinking more coffee...joking). I thought that writing it on here would help to keep me accountable. If you read this, feel free to ask me how it's going. Like I said, I'm going to do my best. This is going to be hard.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Will They Know We Are Christians By Our Love?
So I have decided that I really don't agree with all Christians about the most effective way to spread the Gospel. I have been really frustrated recently because a Christian group at the university is putting on an event called "DGE" which stands for Does God Exist? They are hosting a few different discussions/debates, including a debate between an atheist and a Christian, a session titled, "Can a scientist believe in God?" one called, "Does Intelligent Design Explain Biological Life," and, my personal favorite (not), "Stump the Christian."
Now, I realize that Jesus was very clear in his commission to us to "make disciples of all nations," and I also realize that this group at school is truly trying to live this out. However, I have also come to the conclusion that this is not the most effective method of showing people what Jesus was all about. I'm reading a commentary on the Gospel of John by William Barclay, and in it he says, "Not very many people have ever been argued into Christianity. Often our arguments do more harm than good." I really think this is true. From the conversations I have been involved in on this topic, and on any topic related to faith and morality, when people start arguing about opinions, people are rarely convinced. This is how I feel about these debates and sessions at school. I feel like everyone is going to come with their own predecided beliefs, and they will be willing to spout their opinion, and unwilling to listen to anyone else's. And I am generally the same way. I don't give people who say that Christianity isn't true much of my true respect and attention. If I know that someone is setting out to prove my faith wrong, I probably won't give them much to work with. When people set out to debate, walls go up, doors close, and bitterness often sets in. To me it seems like this is much more likely taking several steps back rather than moving forward in spreading the Good News.
Okay, so I disagree with this method of "evangelism." So what? What do I believe would be better? It's one thing to disagree with someone's methods, but the only way that holds any steam is if I show I'm doing something myself. William Barclay went on to say, "The only way to convince a man of the supremacy of Christ is to confront him with Christ. On the whole it is not argumentative and philosophical preaching and teaching which have won men for Christ; it is presentation of the story of the Cross." Hmmm. So what does that look like? How do I "confront people with Christ" without becoming "argumentative and philosophical"? Well, for one thing, I know I have a long way to go. I know I am not doing all I can to show Christ to the people around me. But I do think that the first step is to love people. Not to tell them about Jesus because you feel obligated, or there is some quota of people to tell every day, but to first build a relationship. To show a person by repeated experiences that you care about them, not just about whether or not they stop drinking, or start going to church. To show people what love really looks like, and for that love to be real, not a show or an obligation, or a conditional arrangement that will disappear if they refuse the Gospel. A love that really loves.
Wow, that all might sound good, but now what? Well, I am trying to start conversations. I am trying to open doors to relationships that can develop and go deeper. At least I am trying to try. Most of all, I am praying that God will fill me with his love for the people around me. And if I am filled with that love, then I know that the people around me will be confronted with Christ. Lord, may it be so.
Now, I realize that Jesus was very clear in his commission to us to "make disciples of all nations," and I also realize that this group at school is truly trying to live this out. However, I have also come to the conclusion that this is not the most effective method of showing people what Jesus was all about. I'm reading a commentary on the Gospel of John by William Barclay, and in it he says, "Not very many people have ever been argued into Christianity. Often our arguments do more harm than good." I really think this is true. From the conversations I have been involved in on this topic, and on any topic related to faith and morality, when people start arguing about opinions, people are rarely convinced. This is how I feel about these debates and sessions at school. I feel like everyone is going to come with their own predecided beliefs, and they will be willing to spout their opinion, and unwilling to listen to anyone else's. And I am generally the same way. I don't give people who say that Christianity isn't true much of my true respect and attention. If I know that someone is setting out to prove my faith wrong, I probably won't give them much to work with. When people set out to debate, walls go up, doors close, and bitterness often sets in. To me it seems like this is much more likely taking several steps back rather than moving forward in spreading the Good News.
Okay, so I disagree with this method of "evangelism." So what? What do I believe would be better? It's one thing to disagree with someone's methods, but the only way that holds any steam is if I show I'm doing something myself. William Barclay went on to say, "The only way to convince a man of the supremacy of Christ is to confront him with Christ. On the whole it is not argumentative and philosophical preaching and teaching which have won men for Christ; it is presentation of the story of the Cross." Hmmm. So what does that look like? How do I "confront people with Christ" without becoming "argumentative and philosophical"? Well, for one thing, I know I have a long way to go. I know I am not doing all I can to show Christ to the people around me. But I do think that the first step is to love people. Not to tell them about Jesus because you feel obligated, or there is some quota of people to tell every day, but to first build a relationship. To show a person by repeated experiences that you care about them, not just about whether or not they stop drinking, or start going to church. To show people what love really looks like, and for that love to be real, not a show or an obligation, or a conditional arrangement that will disappear if they refuse the Gospel. A love that really loves.
Wow, that all might sound good, but now what? Well, I am trying to start conversations. I am trying to open doors to relationships that can develop and go deeper. At least I am trying to try. Most of all, I am praying that God will fill me with his love for the people around me. And if I am filled with that love, then I know that the people around me will be confronted with Christ. Lord, may it be so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
