Mmmmm

This morning I was sitting in a coffee shop, studying for a multitude of exams I have in the next week, listening to some wonderful music, looking at the beautiful blue sky and pretty leaves out the window, and I thought to myself, "Life is so good." There are those moments in which all the things which make up life just add up to a feeling of peace. Not that life is all fun in those moments. There are aches and emptiness and desires. But sometimes it all comes together to a sense of rightness. I think in those moments there is this raw feeling and an acceptance of what life is at that moment, and in that embrace of what currently is, all of life - past present and future - looks like a thing of beauty.

Something about fall makes these moments more regular. Something in the crisp wind, bright colors and currents of change in the air - the cold nose that hints of the winter ahead that will bring Christmas and also a lot of frigid waits for the bus, nights to be spent studying in front of the fire, coffee to be had with friends... ah! It all just feels so good at this moment. The realness of it all. Maybe that's why I love cold nose so much. It reminds me of the realness of life. Makes me feel alive.

I'll stop my rambling now...

New Skin

I looked at some pictures from a couple of years ago just now, and I felt very strange as I was paging through them. It felt like I was looking at pictures of someone else. I remember a time when the person in those pictures was me, but it isn't anymore. And yet that person has become me. It kind of reminds me of skin. There are lots of layers of cells that make up skin, and if you lost them all at once because you wanted new skin, you would not be in very good condition. You'd be dead, in fact. And yet, our skin is constantly being replaced - the outer layers being sloughed (I don't think I have ever had the chance to type that word before) off and new layers being added from beneath. After a while, all the old stuff is gone, and you have an entirely new skin. Nothing that once was still is. And yet you are still you, and the new skin feels fully yours.

That's how I feel about the old me that I see in pictures. I didn't just abandon myself and become a new person all at once, but I am constantly changing and being changed. And by now not much of who I once was is left over (I know this is a very large exaggeration, but it's how I feel sometimes). So when I look at pictures, it is looking back at something that is no more. It is remembering who I was, and some of the things that have made me into who I am. Keeping pictures and looking back at them is admitting that where you have been has brought you to where you are. That even though that immature, naive or silly person is not who you are anymore, you could never have become the person you are without first being that person.

In a way, keeping pictures is kind of like keeping scabs...

Thanksgiving!!!

I am thankful for...
-food
-cranberry sauce to be eaten shortly
-sisters
-parents who cleaned my bathroom for me when I was gone one night (and do lots of other wonderful things)
-a long weekend
-a short week next week
-music
-coffee
-coffee shops
-friends to cry with, comfort, be comforted by, laugh with, be encouraged by, learn from and enjoy
-books
-leaves
-wind
-cold nose
-laughter
-hugs
-breaks from homework... aka this moment :)

One Year