My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord
And my spirit exalts in God my Saviour
For He has looked with mercy on my lowliness
And so my name will be forever exalted
For the mighty God has done great things for me
And his mercy shall reach from age to age
And holy, holy, holy is his name.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Even Math Sucks Sometimes
Math studying is about killing me, so... I will blog instead! Oh escapism. What a good tactic.
What to write? Hmmm... perhaps a Christmas exam poem.
The tree is up
The lights are blinking
But Janna's work ethic
Sure is stinking
Imaginary numbers
Are in my head
I'd rather the integral
Of -i was dead.
My coffee with eggnog
Is the best part of my day
I think I may be addicted
But what can I say?
I like coffee
Ok, as much as I would love to continue poem-ing, I actually need to get back to work. If I never blog again, it is because complex analysis actually murdered me.
What to write? Hmmm... perhaps a Christmas exam poem.
The tree is up
The lights are blinking
But Janna's work ethic
Sure is stinking
Imaginary numbers
Are in my head
I'd rather the integral
Of -i was dead.
My coffee with eggnog
Is the best part of my day
I think I may be addicted
But what can I say?
I like coffee
Ok, as much as I would love to continue poem-ing, I actually need to get back to work. If I never blog again, it is because complex analysis actually murdered me.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Silence
I just finished the book Silence, by Shusaku Endo. It is about the persecution of Christians in Japan in the 1600's. The main character is a priest who is determined to die for his faith if that is what it takes. Throughout the book, he is willing to face persecution, but he refuses to aposticize - to trample on the picture of Christ, however, he is also distressed that God remains silent while all this persecution is happening. Near the end, he was told that if he did not aposticize, other Christians would be tortured to death. And as he prays that God will speak, that he will not remain silent any longer, the picture of the Christ that he is asked to trample on speaks to him:
"The priest raises his foot. In it he feels a dull, heavy pain. This is no mere formality. He will now trample on what he has considered the most beautiful thing in his life, on what he has believed most pure, on what is filled with the ideals and the dreams of man. How his foot aches! And then the Christ in bronze speaks to the priest: 'Trample! Trample! I more than anyone know of the pain in your foot. Trample! It was to be trampled on by men that I was born into this world. It was to share men's pain that I carried my cross.'"
There are many thoughts bouncing around in my head about all of this. Some of the stuff in the book seemed very profound, and I wish I had someone to discuss it with who had also read the book. It is making me wonder about the difference between what we believe with our hearts and what we confess with our mouths. It is making me think about which aspects of faith are universal, and which are cultural. It is bringing to mind our house church topic of the year so far: "So what is it that make this Good News so good?"
I think I'm getting better at pondering some of these things without needing to come to a concise answer. And I think that's ok, but not a prime situation for good blog posts.
"The priest raises his foot. In it he feels a dull, heavy pain. This is no mere formality. He will now trample on what he has considered the most beautiful thing in his life, on what he has believed most pure, on what is filled with the ideals and the dreams of man. How his foot aches! And then the Christ in bronze speaks to the priest: 'Trample! Trample! I more than anyone know of the pain in your foot. Trample! It was to be trampled on by men that I was born into this world. It was to share men's pain that I carried my cross.'"
There are many thoughts bouncing around in my head about all of this. Some of the stuff in the book seemed very profound, and I wish I had someone to discuss it with who had also read the book. It is making me wonder about the difference between what we believe with our hearts and what we confess with our mouths. It is making me think about which aspects of faith are universal, and which are cultural. It is bringing to mind our house church topic of the year so far: "So what is it that make this Good News so good?"
I think I'm getting better at pondering some of these things without needing to come to a concise answer. And I think that's ok, but not a prime situation for good blog posts.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Vast
Well, I just purchased my very first computer, and I feel it is only right to break my long blog silence on this very significant occasion. As it is so clearly impossible to even begin to try to give an accurate look into what has gone on in my life and my head since I blogged last, I will not even try. Rather, I will tell a little story that happened last Tuesday that made me smile:
It was Tuesday. As per usual, I headed to house church after my biochemistry lab. Actually, it wasn't quite a usual Tuesday afternoon. First of all, I accidentally tested the wrong unknown in my biochem lab, which resulted in some tests making absolutely no sense, particuarly the Benedict's test, which I could go into, but I have a feeling that the few people who will ever read this don't really care about my Benedict's test so I will spare you the details. Anyways, just picture me making a big mistake that resulted in several tests having to be redone. This ended up being more comical than frustrating, but it did make me late leaving the school. I was getting a ride to house church with a friend of mine who lives near the university, but whose house I had never been to before, and I proceeded to walk there and get somewhat lost on the way. This involved me misreading a house number and walking the wrong way down a street. I started worrying that he was going to leave before I got there, leaving me stuck outside with no ride to church. When I finally arrived, huffing and puffing, I was assured that I would never have been left out in the cold alone, and we left for church. I had uncharacteristically intense chest pain all evening, and considered going home or possibly to the hospital, but as I was surrounded by some of my favorite people, and convinced that the pain would eventually go away, I stuck around. By prayer time, I was still in quite a lot of pain, so naturally I requested that the group pray for me. I shouldn't really be surprised by this but I was: only 10 minutes later, I was feeling significantly better. Somehow asking for prayer seems like a natural thing to do, and yet seeing an immediate answer to prayer surprises me. Perhaps I need to work on my belief in God's ability and desire to act. And so I was able to join the group in their post-church activity of the evening, which was called, "drive out into the country and lie down in a big long row under blankets in a ditch eating chips and smarties and watching the meteor shower while talking about whatever we felt like and gazing into the vastnesss, cheering out loud whenever we saw a shooting star." It was one of those times where you are leaving the city at 10 PM, knowing that you will be out late and that you have to get up early, but also knowing that there is absolutely 0% chance of you not being a part of the fun. So worth the lack of sleep. It was wonderful.
God has been so good to me. Right now, I am particularly thankful for mishaps that work out and friends and health and stars and cold nose. And though those are not all really on the same level, they are all things that remind me about the goodness and bigness and closeness of God.
It was Tuesday. As per usual, I headed to house church after my biochemistry lab. Actually, it wasn't quite a usual Tuesday afternoon. First of all, I accidentally tested the wrong unknown in my biochem lab, which resulted in some tests making absolutely no sense, particuarly the Benedict's test, which I could go into, but I have a feeling that the few people who will ever read this don't really care about my Benedict's test so I will spare you the details. Anyways, just picture me making a big mistake that resulted in several tests having to be redone. This ended up being more comical than frustrating, but it did make me late leaving the school. I was getting a ride to house church with a friend of mine who lives near the university, but whose house I had never been to before, and I proceeded to walk there and get somewhat lost on the way. This involved me misreading a house number and walking the wrong way down a street. I started worrying that he was going to leave before I got there, leaving me stuck outside with no ride to church. When I finally arrived, huffing and puffing, I was assured that I would never have been left out in the cold alone, and we left for church. I had uncharacteristically intense chest pain all evening, and considered going home or possibly to the hospital, but as I was surrounded by some of my favorite people, and convinced that the pain would eventually go away, I stuck around. By prayer time, I was still in quite a lot of pain, so naturally I requested that the group pray for me. I shouldn't really be surprised by this but I was: only 10 minutes later, I was feeling significantly better. Somehow asking for prayer seems like a natural thing to do, and yet seeing an immediate answer to prayer surprises me. Perhaps I need to work on my belief in God's ability and desire to act. And so I was able to join the group in their post-church activity of the evening, which was called, "drive out into the country and lie down in a big long row under blankets in a ditch eating chips and smarties and watching the meteor shower while talking about whatever we felt like and gazing into the vastnesss, cheering out loud whenever we saw a shooting star." It was one of those times where you are leaving the city at 10 PM, knowing that you will be out late and that you have to get up early, but also knowing that there is absolutely 0% chance of you not being a part of the fun. So worth the lack of sleep. It was wonderful.
God has been so good to me. Right now, I am particularly thankful for mishaps that work out and friends and health and stars and cold nose. And though those are not all really on the same level, they are all things that remind me about the goodness and bigness and closeness of God.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Light Gives Heat
Tonight me and Kirsten went to the Forks, and we went through the Africa Village tent that they have set up. It was pretty neat - you get an iPod shuffle and follow the story through one of four real stories about a child in Africa. The pictures of beautiful people who are living a life much harder than mine reminded me of how blessed I am - and also how I need to look beyond the comfort of my own life and reach out to those who got born into a harder life than I did. There was a place at the end of the exhibit where you could write a prayer or a letter and stick it to the wall. The words of this Jars of Clay song came to mind:
Will you teach us how to love?
To see the things you see?
Walk the road you walked
Feel the pain that you feel?
At your feet I kneel
I want to see you shine
See your light, not mine
Light gives heat
Light gives heat.
I'm not sure how long the African Village is set up. It's free, so for those of you Winnipeggers who are looking for an interesting experience, you could try it out. Perhaps a bit of a World Vision advertisement, but a good reminder none the less, I think. And whether you go see the tent or not, I encourage you to think of ways to actively pursue justice for those who have done nothing to deserve their hard lot in life - just as we have done nothing to deserve our easy one. Let me know if you come up with anything good.
Will you teach us how to love?
To see the things you see?
Walk the road you walked
Feel the pain that you feel?
At your feet I kneel
I want to see you shine
See your light, not mine
Light gives heat
Light gives heat.
I'm not sure how long the African Village is set up. It's free, so for those of you Winnipeggers who are looking for an interesting experience, you could try it out. Perhaps a bit of a World Vision advertisement, but a good reminder none the less, I think. And whether you go see the tent or not, I encourage you to think of ways to actively pursue justice for those who have done nothing to deserve their hard lot in life - just as we have done nothing to deserve our easy one. Let me know if you come up with anything good.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
the disconnect
and once again, the disconnect;
these fingers of my heart that reach out and grasp
at nothing
they thought you would meet them here
that you would hear the words beneath
the ones i say
and whisper back
that i am not alone
that we are singing the same song
that we are one
but your ears heard what my heart never said
and missed the bigness of the thoughts
that begged of you an audience
so here i am
sought out but misunderstood
heard but unknown
disconnected
Over the course of this year I have started writing a poem on this theme and have never been able to finish it. I don't know that I like how it turned out this time around, but I forced it out so that I can come back and work on it rather than always starting fresh. The theme is a little depressing perhaps, but so true. I am continually reminded that if I insist on looking for someone to know me completely, I will be always disappointed. That realization of the disconnect that exists between me and every other person is a painful one. It brings me back to my thoughts of groaning that I wrote about recently. It also leaves me with a choice. Either I can accept the lonely fact that no person can hear the undertones of my heart, or I can redirect them to the only One who will ever know me.
these fingers of my heart that reach out and grasp
at nothing
they thought you would meet them here
that you would hear the words beneath
the ones i say
and whisper back
that i am not alone
that we are singing the same song
that we are one
but your ears heard what my heart never said
and missed the bigness of the thoughts
that begged of you an audience
so here i am
sought out but misunderstood
heard but unknown
disconnected
Over the course of this year I have started writing a poem on this theme and have never been able to finish it. I don't know that I like how it turned out this time around, but I forced it out so that I can come back and work on it rather than always starting fresh. The theme is a little depressing perhaps, but so true. I am continually reminded that if I insist on looking for someone to know me completely, I will be always disappointed. That realization of the disconnect that exists between me and every other person is a painful one. It brings me back to my thoughts of groaning that I wrote about recently. It also leaves me with a choice. Either I can accept the lonely fact that no person can hear the undertones of my heart, or I can redirect them to the only One who will ever know me.
A Hymn to God the Father
Wilt thou forgive that sin where I begun,
Which was my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt thou forgive that sin, through which I run,
And do run still: though still I do deplore?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I have won
Others to sin? and, made my sin their door?
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year, or two: but wallowed in, a score?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
But swear by thy self, that at my death thy son
Shall shine as he shines now, and heretofore;
And, having done that, thou hast done,
I fear no more.
- John Donne
Which was my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt thou forgive that sin, through which I run,
And do run still: though still I do deplore?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I have won
Others to sin? and, made my sin their door?
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year, or two: but wallowed in, a score?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.
I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
But swear by thy self, that at my death thy son
Shall shine as he shines now, and heretofore;
And, having done that, thou hast done,
I fear no more.
- John Donne
Monday, May 18, 2009
Baby!
I am Tante Jans again! I was at a youth conference all weekend with my youth group (which was incredible, by the way - God so clearly at work in the lives of the youth, but that's a whole nother post), and when I got home tonight, I found out that Corrie was born on Friday shortly after I left. So I got to hold my 3 day old niece tonight for a while, and she is a cutie.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Groaning Goes On
I think one of the reasons that I haven't been feeling much like blogging lately is that I have had a couple of partially formed thoughts bouncing around in my head for a long time, but they weren't at a stage where I felt like writing about them, and there was nothing else that seemed worth writing about. Hence, I wrote about nothing. I still haven't finished thinking about these things, but perhaps I have reached the point where I can at least express some thoughts. I suppose the answer to that is a yes if this actually gets posted.
So I watched a really great chick flick tonight. I think the thing that I love about chick flicks (and really most movies) is the happy ending. There may have been moments in the middle where you weren't quite sure if things was going to end well, but somehow at the end of the day, all is well... and they lived happily ever after. Happily ever after. I think that is quite a thought. I think that is what I search for. Not necessarily in the form of the perfect man (though I wouldn't complain if I found him), but in everything. Happily ever after implies rest. The thing you have been seeking has been found, and now you can sit back, relax, enjoy life, and never have to be uneasy or anxious again. A deep breath released, and tension is gone from your life forever. Rest.
But the thing is, no matter where I've been or what the circumstances, I have never experienced a rest that complete. I've never gotten to a "happily ever after." That's because life continues on, and this life is not actually about finding rest. Don't get me wrong, I believe that I will yet experience perfect rest. Just not on this side of heaven.
There are times when I thought I knew what it was that I wanted. I worked hard to get it, succeeded, and basked in my happiness... for about 5 minutes, until I noticed that I still wanted something. The hole wasn't filled. I couldn't find rest. That feeling is hard to express in words. Groans really say it best. All of my yearnings and wants and deepest hopes and frustrations can be encompassed in a groan. It goes even deeper than what I can consciously identify. The bible talks about this groan in Romans 8. All of creation is groaning "as in the pains of childbirth" (v 22). And what are we groaning for? "The redemption of our bodies" and "our adoption as sons" (v 23). That's the happily ever after right there. But the thing is, it isn't going to happen until we have a perfect relationship with our Creator, and as long as we are stuck on this broken earth in these broken bodies, we are going to be bound to decay. Groaning.
But here is something that I am learning. In the moments when all my frustrations and unrest culminate in a dissatisfied groan, I have a choice. I can decide if I am going to groan in frustration or in hope. If I groan in frustration, life gets... well, frustrating. But the thing is, although I know that the hole in me is not going to be filled in this lifetime, I do know that it is going to be filled. And when I shift my thoughts from all the things that aren't filling me, and rather think about the One that I know will fill me one day, my groans take on a peaceful tone. Not perfect rest, to be sure, but peace. And so my groans will go on, but I groan in hope. And in Him I find peace to get me through to the day when he will bring me perfect rest.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Convenience is Bliss
I have to have another cell phone rant. I know that if you have ever bothered to ask me my list of pet peeves, you probably already know that this is near the top of the list, and I also know that if you have never bothered to ask me what my list of pet peeves entails, it is probably because you don't really want to know. I don't really blame you. Rants tend to be a little one-sided. Though that is sort of the nature of a blog in the first place. And if you read this blog ever, I have to assume that must imply that you at least like me a little bit, and if you like me at all, you must either enjoy rants or you have learned how to endure them/tune them out. Tuning out blog rants is especially easy, since I am not there to have hurt feelings about you reading a book or falling asleep while I am talking about something I think is important. So without further ado...
Cell phones make me mad. I understand that they are very useful. I will even go so far as to say that there have been moments in my life when I have wished for a brief moment that I had one so that I could work out some kinks in Friday night plans etc. But I deal with those moments of inconvenience. Part of it, I will freely admit, is that I am being stubborn. That is indeed one of my character traits, and I know that is something I need to work on sometimes, but I like that I am stubborn about this, so I don't expect it to change that soon. Cell phones very easily take over people's lives. We all have seen about a billion examples of people who can't go anywhere without checking their phones for texts, calling their boyfriends every 12 minutes, disrupting conversations with good friends to take a call, texting in class (I can tell you, very distracting)... I could go on and on. Okay, so I have established that some people take the cell phone a little too far (understatement of the year). To be fair, let's now consider the advantages of cell phones. You can call for help if you have trouble on the road, you can call your friend to find out where they are when you have been waiting at the designated spot for 25 minutes alone, you can keep yourself busy when you are bored in class. I think the main positive thing cell phones do is make things more convenient. Personally, I think that convenience is not necessarily the end we should always be seeking. Sure, it is nice for things to be convenient. But it is also nice when things increase our organizational skills, and when things build relationship and community. So it comes down to a question of whether the convenience is worth the cost.
I know that some people who have a cell phone and don't let it get out of hand (no pun intended), and perhaps that is the best (and hardest) place to be. It is easy for me to not get addicted to my cell phone because it is non-existent. What is hard is to have one and not let it take over. I think that's how lots of things in life are. It is easiest to push hard to one side on an issue, because then we never need to practice balance. But I think the gray area is often the best place to be, and that is hard, because it takes constant reassessment and effort. That sounds a little inconvenient.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I will, however, post a link to a pretty funny/good article on this topic. Click on the "family" link on the left and scroll down to "Don't Mind the Mess."
Cell phones make me mad. I understand that they are very useful. I will even go so far as to say that there have been moments in my life when I have wished for a brief moment that I had one so that I could work out some kinks in Friday night plans etc. But I deal with those moments of inconvenience. Part of it, I will freely admit, is that I am being stubborn. That is indeed one of my character traits, and I know that is something I need to work on sometimes, but I like that I am stubborn about this, so I don't expect it to change that soon. Cell phones very easily take over people's lives. We all have seen about a billion examples of people who can't go anywhere without checking their phones for texts, calling their boyfriends every 12 minutes, disrupting conversations with good friends to take a call, texting in class (I can tell you, very distracting)... I could go on and on. Okay, so I have established that some people take the cell phone a little too far (understatement of the year). To be fair, let's now consider the advantages of cell phones. You can call for help if you have trouble on the road, you can call your friend to find out where they are when you have been waiting at the designated spot for 25 minutes alone, you can keep yourself busy when you are bored in class. I think the main positive thing cell phones do is make things more convenient. Personally, I think that convenience is not necessarily the end we should always be seeking. Sure, it is nice for things to be convenient. But it is also nice when things increase our organizational skills, and when things build relationship and community. So it comes down to a question of whether the convenience is worth the cost.
I know that some people who have a cell phone and don't let it get out of hand (no pun intended), and perhaps that is the best (and hardest) place to be. It is easy for me to not get addicted to my cell phone because it is non-existent. What is hard is to have one and not let it take over. I think that's how lots of things in life are. It is easiest to push hard to one side on an issue, because then we never need to practice balance. But I think the gray area is often the best place to be, and that is hard, because it takes constant reassessment and effort. That sounds a little inconvenient.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I will, however, post a link to a pretty funny/good article on this topic. Click on the "family" link on the left and scroll down to "Don't Mind the Mess."
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Everything
Every once in a while I get a reminder about the things in life that are actually important. I spend a lot of time on some really good things: friends, school, coffee, music, etc. I feel that they make my life enjoyable, and also often draw me into God. But they are not God. I have found that I can even spend time reading my Bible, talking about God, and singing praise songs, and be intellectually thinking about Jesus without entering in emotionally and spiritually. It is good to be reminded that good things are not the best thing. It is good to realize that intellect is only one part of knowing God. It is good to be reminded of my smallness and God's bigness. It is good to be shown that I am wrong. Truth is good. I really hope that my own thoughts and personality and biases don't get in the way of me being open to God showing me truth. I hope that I can be humble and make Him my everything. Here is a song that is wonderful:
Everything
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
- Tim Hughes
You can listen to it here.
Everything
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
You are everything
- Tim Hughes
You can listen to it here.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lent
In other news, today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Yesterday at House Church, we had the traditional Shrove Tuesday pancakes, which were delicious, and then did some talking and thinking and praying. Here are a couple of prayers that we came across:
O Lord, the house of my soul is narrow;
enlarge it that you may enter in.
It is ruinous, O repair it!
It displeases your sight. I confess it, I know.
But who shall cleanse it, to whom shall I cry but to you?
Cleanse me from my secret faults, O Lord
and spare your servant from strange sins.
St. Augustine of Hippo (AD 354 - 430)
O Lord, who hast mercy upon all, take away from me my sins,
and mercifully kindle in me the fire of thy Holy Spirit.
Take away from me the heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh,
a heart to love and adore Thee, a heart to delight in Thee,
to follow and enjoy Thee,
for Christ's sake, Amen.
St. Ambrose of Milan (AD 339 - 397)
O Lord, the house of my soul is narrow;
enlarge it that you may enter in.
It is ruinous, O repair it!
It displeases your sight. I confess it, I know.
But who shall cleanse it, to whom shall I cry but to you?
Cleanse me from my secret faults, O Lord
and spare your servant from strange sins.
St. Augustine of Hippo (AD 354 - 430)
O Lord, who hast mercy upon all, take away from me my sins,
and mercifully kindle in me the fire of thy Holy Spirit.
Take away from me the heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh,
a heart to love and adore Thee, a heart to delight in Thee,
to follow and enjoy Thee,
for Christ's sake, Amen.
St. Ambrose of Milan (AD 339 - 397)
Why, hello!
Well, it has indeed been a while since I have written in this place. I won't lie, the main reason I am back at this moment is because of Jennie who made me feel special by telling me that she missed my blogging. So this post is dedicated to her. Man, now I have to come up with something worth dedicating with someone. And to Jennie, of all people. I may have set the bar too high.
I have a theory as to why I haven't felt like blogging much lately. It has to do with being at University taking a degree in math. You see, once upon a time, I went to a school where I wrote papers. All the time. And I got into the habit of it. I got used to writing papers. And so when I left that place, I had built up this habit of writing things in a somewhat literary way, and I needed a place to put those things down, and so my blog was born. Now, a couple of years later, all remnants of that habit of writing coherent paragraphs have mostly disappeared. Now, I spend my time writing math proofs, and figuring out whether 121212121212121212121212 is divisible by 11 (it is, by the way). Most people don't quite understand my love of math. That's ok, really. I am not ashamed. Numbers are cool, and I'm sticking to that. Anyways, back to what I was saying... these copious amounts of algebra and calculus that I have been doing have certainly not stopped me from pondering the deep questions of life (or at least the ones that my heart thinks are deep), but I do think I am changing the way I naturally feel like expressing those thoughts. They don't flow so nicely onto a page as they have at some points in my life. Maybe I'm just making excuses for never feeling like blogging. Who really knows? Oh the mysteries of life. Questions like, "Why does Janna not feel like blogging anymore?" and "Will we ever find a formula for the next prime number?" They are toughies, indeed.
I have a theory as to why I haven't felt like blogging much lately. It has to do with being at University taking a degree in math. You see, once upon a time, I went to a school where I wrote papers. All the time. And I got into the habit of it. I got used to writing papers. And so when I left that place, I had built up this habit of writing things in a somewhat literary way, and I needed a place to put those things down, and so my blog was born. Now, a couple of years later, all remnants of that habit of writing coherent paragraphs have mostly disappeared. Now, I spend my time writing math proofs, and figuring out whether 121212121212121212121212 is divisible by 11 (it is, by the way). Most people don't quite understand my love of math. That's ok, really. I am not ashamed. Numbers are cool, and I'm sticking to that. Anyways, back to what I was saying... these copious amounts of algebra and calculus that I have been doing have certainly not stopped me from pondering the deep questions of life (or at least the ones that my heart thinks are deep), but I do think I am changing the way I naturally feel like expressing those thoughts. They don't flow so nicely onto a page as they have at some points in my life. Maybe I'm just making excuses for never feeling like blogging. Who really knows? Oh the mysteries of life. Questions like, "Why does Janna not feel like blogging anymore?" and "Will we ever find a formula for the next prime number?" They are toughies, indeed.
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